The Last High

When those eyes close, a universe gets unveiled, a universe that this universe could never imagine. When she closes her eyes, she gets into herself, for she is the universe, a universe of exploding stars, a universe of intermittent scintillant, a universe that feels too much, a universe that you were once a part of, were. You had created a wanderlust in her. She was an impossible force, a force that no one could reckon with, a hungry and luminous force, never satisfied, never stoppable. You gave her a high, the rush she hated, but then she loved it to the extremes. Your mere name managed to calm her

demons down. You were just the similar opposite force, she thought, overwhelmed. But then, every high has a fall. She met her fall when you finally disappeared. The fall, it is beautiful, adrenaline filled and ecstatic. And as it is said, it is never the fall that hurts you, but the landing. The landing, it breaks you, burns your heart out. You vanished. You left a void there, a magnanimous void, impossible to be filled. Impossible. Impossible was her expertise, wasn’t it? You knew that. You were one impossible of her. Impossible, but just a dream.

And then came a replacement. As she supposed. A spectacular and an extremely beautiful replacement. A different face, an entirely different person, a completely new emotion. No, you are not replaceable, she thought. You never were to her. But he was irresistible. It was difficult for her to keep her hands off. Before she realized what’s happening, she was again blown away by ecstasy, the emotions that at once filled her heart in a giant amount. Of course, she feels too much, too much that no other human can handle it. She was on a high, a high she’s never been, not even with you. This high was scary yet bewitching too. A moment she was on land and in the other heartbeat, she finds herself soaring high in the sky. With you, she had a chance to decipher what was going on. With him, she didn’t have any. He didn’t calm her demons down. He provoked them, instigated them, and powered them. It was all the beauty of a dark and silent night, haunting. And now she knows that a fall awaits her. And the fall will show her more beauty than she has ever witnessed. And the landing will hurt her dangerously than ever. As impulsive the high was, the fall would definitely take ages. But she would have learned by then that the universe of her has no more place, that she doesn’t want any more voids to be created in her earlier perfect universe. That this would be the last fall. And she is sure that there is going to be a fall.

Because he is again, but an ‘impossible’. You were her impossible. He is her impossible, but far more difficult than you could ever be. And still, he is the best impossible that can ever happen to her. Because he knows her. And she knows him. Just a highly exaggerated version of her, he is. She knows him like her heart. She loves him the way she never thought that she was capable of, she loves him the way you would term childish or insane, but is she any less insane? She loves him like her every breath. No, she hasn’t stopped loving you. She still does. But she loves him the way she has never loved anyone. He had taught her how to cope with the fall after you. He has taught her how to cope with the fall when he won’t be there. Rather than silencing them, he has taught her to tame her demons, to ride them, to live them. No one would ever understand it. No one, not even you, never. And now, she won’t cry when she will lose him. Because she will definitely lose him, wouldn’t she? Or would she just let him go? Letting go and losing are two very different things. She is never going to lose him, for, he is her incomprehensible hero, her unfathomable mystery, her impossible love. Undeniably the best and definitely the last impossible.

Story Teller- Madiha Zaidi